RELOCATION

As of right now, the Disciplinarian Actions has moved to a new site:

Disciplinarian Actions

Selected archives to be added periodically from past blogs: Blogger, Live Journal, and Myspace. Keep checking back often. Cheers.

WordPress and Suze Orman

Since I am not completely in the mood to devise a focused discussion on one particular topic of interest, today, I am going to write randomly on multiple topics. Why? Because this is my blog and that is what I want to do. LOL

Here we go.

- I am making plans to move this blog over to Word Press here in the near future. I did purchase a web domain and storage space through this web hosting service (Blue Valve), but I've been having unsatisfactory support from them. I've sent several e-mails with problems I have been having, in which only ONE of them has gone answered. I would not recommend this web host to anyone. So, I think that I will try 1 & 1 Internet, upon the recommendation of Moby from the Gay Bloggers tribe. Here's a shout-out to you, Moby!! Once I get the domain/web host issue resolved, the blog remodel will commence.

- After some hesitation due to the recent attack, I need to go out tonight. Tonight, Smash TV of Bpitch Control are at Rebar, fulfilling my need to dance to some good electro music. Now, if I could only see Ellen Allien DJ now!

- Let's for a second crunch the following numbers:

My age: 32
My annual income: $25,300 (approx.)
Money to my name (as of 03/19/05): $245 (approx.)
Debts and bills unpaid (Non-student loans): $5,000 (I think)
Student loans outstanding (under current payback rates): $25,000 (approx.)

What does all this translate to? Honestly, I am not Suze Orman, but in my mind, I am making WAY less that what I am worth. I have a Paralegal degree (thus far, USELESS). Money has always been a sore subject with me. Money is the spawn of the devil. That being said, I still want to make A LOT more. I like where I work, but I want more challenging work than simply cleaning the messes of others. Seriously...

- Speaking of Suze Orman, I like her. She honestly gives ordinary folks like me and you no nonsense financial advice in a non-judgmental tone of voice. She wrote a new book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke! That is me. Hee hee! Seriously, I have a lot of respect for this woman. Suze, if you are out there, HELP ME!!!

- SIX MONTHS MINUS ONE DAY to DEAD CAN DANCE SHOW!!!

- I don't understand. How on earth can a person be denied a proper funeral. How low do you have to be to do something like that! Talk about the LOWEST of the lowest common denominator of human life.

- That is all for now.

Current Listening - March 2005

Fear and Loathing 2 Decks and Data Mix Luke Slater
School of the Flower Six Organs of Admittance
Self-titled LCD Soundsystem
I Am A Bird Now Antony and the Johnsons
Capsule: The Best of KOD 1988-94 Kitchens of Distinction
I LOVE TECHNO set Miss Kittin
Angels of Light Sing "Other People" Angels of Light
A Few Steps More Monade
Golden Ocean 50 Ft. Wave
Touch Michael Mayer
Unnatural History Vol. 1, 2, 3 Coil

**The countdown is 3 days to Hotel Moby**

Not Quite Feeling Up to Par

I am now recovering from being sick over this weekend. I ate something I should not have. Why? Because I am a dork….maybe. With this in mind, I am not totally in the mood to write anything of significance tonight on this blog. Please bear with me. I hope to be in full blogging mood in the next couple days, once I feel like I can start digesting food properly again.

It's that time of the season for......TOO MANY CONCERTS to try and see

The onslaught of eagerly anticipated shows is only just beginning. Let me see if I can keep track of them all:

Michael Mayer (Kompakt DJ) - March 7
Smash TV - March 19
Low/Pedro The Lion - March 25
Garbage - April 8
Felix da Housecat (DJ) - April 8
Seattle Erotic Arts Festival - April 15-17 (fellow Tribe member Drub will have his work there)
Antony and the Johnsons - April 22 and 23
Angels of Light - April 26 (Portland) and 27 (Seattle)
Gang of Four - May 6
Monade (Stereolab lead singer Laetitia Sadier's side project) - May 9
Autechre - May 18

Whoooeee....so much going on in the next three months!!! Gotta save those pounds, shillings, and pence...hee hee.

Sun

The sun is out right now. This makes me happy. Pure and simple. Just the way I like it. After last week's ordeal, I gained a renewed appreciation for the simple things in life. Life is lived only once (unless reincarnation is for real) so the best thing for me right now is to live it - without apology.

Inspired by: Allergic - Miss Kittin

Analogies 02.26.2005

At last, the staples are out. The funny thing was, when I was told in the Emergency Room that they were going to staple my head, I envisioned that the aforementioned staples to be used were a medical version of the common household staple. However, the illusion was shattered when I looked over at the table in the doctor's office yesterday after their removal and saw what appeared to be the same kind of metal staples that I staple into documents at work on a daily basis. EGADS. I look back at that with a smile on my face.

Another funny thing that happened after the appointment was the woman in the passenger's side of a hospital service truck. This woman sees me, says something to the driver, turns her head back in my direction, rolling down the window, and says, "Has anyone told you that you look like Brad Pitt?" I was flabbergasted. "No. Thank you," I said. I was grinning with shocked excitement at this compliment. I was flattered. Sure beats having someone tell you that you look like Christian Slater or Chris Kattan. No offense at all to the well-meaning friends who have made those observations, but in the case of the Christian Slater reference, I HATED him at the time. Hence, I was not too amused. On the plus side, another person said I looked like Radiohead's Thom Yorke. That was flattering, too, since I think he's hot.

Playlist associated with the creation of this entry:

Bavarian Gigolo Night DJ Mix set - DJ Hell

Staple removal and other random musings...

I await with eager anticipation (with a slight case of nervousness) the removal of the staples from my head tomorrow morning. Accessing the pros and cons, here is how I see the situation:

Pro - Since these staples itch, the removal spells relief.
Con - Will it hurt? I am wimpy when it comes to pain.
Pro - I don't have to go to work until Noon.
Con - I have to go to work at noon on a sunny day during a really nice week.
Pro - The removal means that I am healing.
Con - The ensuing paranoia and slight panic that there I might not be healing.

Either way, relief is the number one benefit.

* * * *

I am so fucking sick and tired of the Pope's stupid, asinine rhetoric against the gay community and gay marriage. Now, gay marriage is viewed as part of the "ideology of evil." Give me a fucking break. I have a Zero Tolerance policy for stupidity and ignorance.

* * * *

Last night, I got caught up in the hoopla over Project Runway. I was surprised to see Parker Posey as a judge on the final Fashion Show. I heart Parker Posey. This was the first time that I watched this show. The seemingly never-ending bickering between two of the finalists was really petty to me. They were bickering over petty, stupid things and it gets tiring after a while to hear the pettiness. But, the final Fashion Show was fun to watch. I wanted Kara to win, but Jay won. His designs were too outlandish and space age to me, but I will give him an A+ for originality. I can just see it now - the next COJO. God forbid we have another COJO on our hands.

* * * *

$29 and some change left, but $20 to go towards tomorrow's co-pay. Gee, that is something I thought I'd never ever have again, a co-pay. Need to start looking for an alternative source of income. I am tired of being piss-poor all the damn time. The lunch hour stroll into Banana Republic did not help matters.

Playlist associated with the creation of this entry:

Another Fine Mess (CD mix) - FC Kahuna
Felt Mountain - Goldfrapp
Zaubergberg - Gas

Scenes are for Fucktards - Part 2

Okay, the real reason why I conceived this idea for a blog entry:

Why the hell I went off on the "gay scene," I have no idea.

My friend in Minneapolis, Alex, created a Yahoo Group called MSPESP for the purpose of trying to create a network of musicians into electronic, ebm, and industrial music. That is how I met him. It was cool meeting another member of the gay community with similar interests in music. I remember the frustration he had with trying to create monthly meetings for people to come together and share ideas as to how to jump-start the "scene" in Minneapolis. When people did not show up for meetings, he decided to take a hiatus from having meetings. Well, then, people started to complain about how no one was doing anything. Well, duh!!!

When I left Minneapolis, I was getting the impression that things were getting busier and people were starting to put shows together and actually doing things. However, I found out today from a mutual friend and another member of the MSPESP group that Alex pulled the plug on it. The reason: some dumbass fucktard (Charles, to be exact, who is in some stupid ass band I never even heard of) on another Yahoo Group decided to personally attack Alex, claiming that he handled the group poorly and that his music sucked. Purely childish in my book. If you are going to insult someone who busted his ass, trying to build this network, at least have the fucking balls to do it to your face. The worst part about the whole thing was that other musicians in the area that allegedly were a part of the MSPESP group, did not even stand up and defend Alex. It is pure bullshit.

In my book, the "scene" in Minneapolis is bullshit, compared to other cities. For example, Endless Blue, their schtick is just plain tired. There are enough ethereal electro pop bands out there that all sound the same. Last summer, I saw them at Gay Pride in Minneapolis and they had, what, 10, maybe 15 people there at the most. They covered Glory Box by Portishead. I liked it at the time, but when I think back to it now, they did absolutely nothing to it. It's like they rehearsed with the sheet music in front of them about one week before the performance and left it at that. (Geez, this post is coming off sounding snooty. That is not how I normally am.) I carry no allusions as to who I am. I don't believe that I am better than everyone else. I am not necessarily saying that I could do better. But, I feel bad for Alex, since he made a huge effort to get the thing running, but people complained (if they even did anything) rather than making an effort to ignite things.

That is the problem with the "scene" as a concept. It does nothing but exclude people that choose to defy the typical confines of the stereotypical definitions associated with the subject of the "scene." Unfortunately, honest people put way too much effort to putting a scene together. Besides, I have way more respect for those who are try to be themselves. I like music that is associated with the "goth scene," "EBM scene," and/or the "Industrial scene," or whatever you call it. However, I don't really care for a lot of people that comprise the scenes attached to the music because it's clique-y, just like everything else. If you don't have the look, or if you are not "goth" enough, forget it. You are stuck on the outside. Besides, who wants to relive the pettiness of high school clique culture in our 30's and 40's, anyway. That is one of the reasons why we graduate.

Playlist associated with the creation of this blog:
Welt Tour - Acid Maria and Electric Indigo

Terrorism

At last, I have reached the end of the toughest week of my life. I've recounted the events of this last Tuesday at least, what, 500 or 600 times now, it seems like. I have not been able to forget about it. I have flashbacks of the gun blows to the head at this moment in time. I dare not pull out my cell phone in front of anyone. I think back to the Yoplait yogurt, the wheat bread, and LCD Soundsystem poster scattered about the street afterwards. I remember the bloody towel covering my head while I await the police, the ambulance, and the fire truck. I've even chuckled to myself at the thought of the woman who called 911 for me filtering her cordless phone to me through the torn screen attached to her window. It seems absurd, especially since the area near my home is not necessarily the kind of place you'd ideally like to call home.

Right now, we are living in angry times. We are all angry at one another. It's becoming an all-too-true fact of life that I'm growing uneasy with. There is a hell of a lot hostility in this world today. It's become nauseating for me to watch. Terrorism impacts every one of us in one way or another. Terrorism can come from external sources, but also internalizes within many of us.

I have been frustrated with my life on and off for a really long time now. Suicide had been contemplated on a few occasions. But, after this past Tuesday's assault, I am (11,000 percent) grateful that I am alive to write these words in this blog right at this moment. I truly believe that God was looking over me that night. My continued existence is a testimony to the incorrectness of what the Christians would like people to believe. I truly believe that God loves me, as me, in this present skin. Suicide is no longer on the table. PERIOD. I have too much left to accomplish before I leave this world.

Those punk ass bitches walked away with only two things, DNA and a banged-up, completely useless cell phone. That is all. I am completely convinced of that. They did not take away anything else from me. They have not won. They have lost. They are losers in this battle as far as I am concerned. I have to remind myself of that. If I don't believe that, then they have won. The truth is, they lost. I may have been harmed, but I am not a victim. Life continues on. I will not be terrorized. There is no other option.

Scenes are for Fucktards - Part 1

There is the "gay scene." There is the "goth scene". There is the "leather scene." There is the "2(x)=10 scene." Name anything that you might be interested in, whether it be sports, games, genres of music, what have you. There is more than likely a "scene" devoted to the subject. The "scene" as a concept has been the source of discussion and (sometimes) outrage, depending on who you are talking to.

Guys who create ads on online dating services like to acknowledge in their profiles the fact that they are not into the gay "scene." I have been aware for as long as I have been out of the closet (and probably even before I came out) that there is this thing called the "gay scene." But, what exactly is this concept known as the "scene" really about? Why is this concept viewed with such negativity for some people? Could it be because it pigeonholes people into a certain category when sometimes things defy categorization? Could it be because it isolates individuals who do fall into the descriptive confines of those who partake in a given "scene"?

I do not fit into this concept known as the "gay scene." I've never been a scenester. I've observed members of this gay "scene," and have seen that I just simply do not fit in. My interests are different than most members of the "gay scene." I don't inhabit the gay bars 4 to 7 days of the week. Fuck, I don't even own a damn Cher album. Ooops, maybe I am stereotyping here. But, from what I can tell of the "scene," if you don't fit a certain look, you are more often than not excluded from infiltrating the "scene."

My favorite place to go have a beer at is The Eagle here in Seattle. I do not like to run around in my tighty whiteys (I prefer black boxer briefs anyway) in public. I don't care to piss into a Mason Jar and then hand it off to Leather Daddy Charlie standing next to me. I don't own any leather in my wardrobe, nor do I wear military uniforms. Don't get me wrong, I like the look of military uniforms on younger, buff men and leather on a really hot older man. Anyway, I enjoy having a drink at The Eagle because I find that the people are friendlier and the music is a lot better. They have been even trying to incorporate different music themes into their regular repertoire. But, lately, I've been feeling more and more isolated from other Eagle-ites. It has been becoming more and more like its own "scene." Again, because I do not necessary partake in yellow hanky night nor do I dress in leather or military, I sometimes feel excluded. I never had this problem before. If I ever felt that way, I've been able to brush it off.

But, I digress. At least, I still think the Eagle is far superior to the other gay bars in Seattle anyway. I go for the music and the beer. There is nothing wrong with that. Part of my deal in general is that I need to be more outgoing. Regardless of where I hang out at, I need to smile more and chat more. That might be the solution.

Interestingly enough, I was not looking to write about the "gay scene." So, I don't have a clue as to why I went off on that tangent. Lest, I continue.

I think that a community like the GLBT community really needs to be more respectful of the diversity of its members. As we face increased scrutiny because of gay marriage and of Bush's desire to be a fucktard, we need to stick together and fight for each other and our civil rights. We have come too far in GLBT rights to just let it all fall apart. We need to be indivisible. We just have too. We need an all-inclusive community, not an exclusive "scene." That is what it will take for our community to survive in this day and age.