Identity

I have a lot on my mind this afternoon. In a poor attempt to sort this shit out, I find myself befuddled. Where to begin? Bear with me here:

I feel completely trapped in my life right now. I've been struggling to find my out of the dizzy maze that appears to be my life at the moment. Every attempt produced failure. Maybe all the negativity is sucking all the energy out of my brain or something. I strongly desire the negativity to leave my system so I can get on with it. I have too much left in my life to accomplish and so little time to produce results.

Identifying with the gay community is becoming more and more difficult for me. I've always had difficulty in this area, but I am quite bothered by it now more than I ever have before. The differences between my interests and those of everyone else are striking. You have to look no further than my music collection. Looking at it: Laibach, Coil, SWANS, Nurse With Wound, Windsor for the Derby, Neurosis, the list goes on and on..."I am surprised that there is something in your musical tastes that I actually like," quipped my housemate Kent the other day. This is funny, coming from Mr. "I like country, you know, like Martina McBride, Suzy Boggess (sic)..." His attempts at trying to get me to go to country night at the Timberline on Fridays have failed. I like hanging out with Kent, he's a great guy, but not enough to wanna start two-stepping lessons. "If you can't beat them, join them." Well, it's not about beating them, but I certainly don't want to join them at the country bar. So, is there a point I am trying to get at here? Yes! I just want to be myself, but, the problem is, being myself makes me feel more and more invisible. The key to the solution is finding a way to be myself, be open to other aspects of the community, and subtlely make others notice at the same time. The idea is to find some kind of balance.