Terrorism

At last, I have reached the end of the toughest week of my life. I've recounted the events of this last Tuesday at least, what, 500 or 600 times now, it seems like. I have not been able to forget about it. I have flashbacks of the gun blows to the head at this moment in time. I dare not pull out my cell phone in front of anyone. I think back to the Yoplait yogurt, the wheat bread, and LCD Soundsystem poster scattered about the street afterwards. I remember the bloody towel covering my head while I await the police, the ambulance, and the fire truck. I've even chuckled to myself at the thought of the woman who called 911 for me filtering her cordless phone to me through the torn screen attached to her window. It seems absurd, especially since the area near my home is not necessarily the kind of place you'd ideally like to call home.

Right now, we are living in angry times. We are all angry at one another. It's becoming an all-too-true fact of life that I'm growing uneasy with. There is a hell of a lot hostility in this world today. It's become nauseating for me to watch. Terrorism impacts every one of us in one way or another. Terrorism can come from external sources, but also internalizes within many of us.

I have been frustrated with my life on and off for a really long time now. Suicide had been contemplated on a few occasions. But, after this past Tuesday's assault, I am (11,000 percent) grateful that I am alive to write these words in this blog right at this moment. I truly believe that God was looking over me that night. My continued existence is a testimony to the incorrectness of what the Christians would like people to believe. I truly believe that God loves me, as me, in this present skin. Suicide is no longer on the table. PERIOD. I have too much left to accomplish before I leave this world.

Those punk ass bitches walked away with only two things, DNA and a banged-up, completely useless cell phone. That is all. I am completely convinced of that. They did not take away anything else from me. They have not won. They have lost. They are losers in this battle as far as I am concerned. I have to remind myself of that. If I don't believe that, then they have won. The truth is, they lost. I may have been harmed, but I am not a victim. Life continues on. I will not be terrorized. There is no other option.